Posted on 05 May 2010.
We continue today with our second story of “Coming Out to my Mother” series. Today, Jimmie gives us the T on how it all went down when he told his mother who is a Pastor about him being gay. Check it out.
February 18, 2004 is the day I confirmed to my mother that I was gay. Days before that date, I had a very traumatic week. First, I had broken up with my boyfriend at the time and I was stressing over midterms exams during my junior year of college. During the same week, I was just released from the hospital because issues in the anal region (details of that will be in my autobiography). I was in Birmingham, Alabama and living on my own.
I called my mom after I was released from the hospital and told her the reason why I was in the hospital. My mom response, “You are going to have more than that for the lifestyle that you are living.” When she said that, it kinda threw me off but I wasn’t surprised. My mother is one of those fire and brimstone pastors (newly ordained at the time) so that’s why it didn’t faze me. We talked some and towards the end of the conversation, she asked me, “Are you gay?”
At first I denied it, but then I realized the truth shall set you free. I told her yes I was. Her immediate reaction, “The devil has taken over your body and you are going to hell for acting as a woman, God is gonna destroy your life like he did Sodom and Gomorrah. Who made you gay?”
At the point I was upset and I went off on my mom. “Well if you want to disown me because I’m gay, that is fine with me. I have my own crib, own money, pay my own bills, and putting myself through school, so it’s not like you are doing shit to help me.”
Then she goes, “You are committing a sin and being gay is an abomination.” My response was, “Well I’m sure God will forgive me, the same way he has forgiving you for sleeping with married men. My sin is not in the Ten Commandments, but yours is. If you are so much a Christian, why are you judging me.”
I know ya’ll thinking that I was disrespecting my mom and I admit that I was, but I really wasn’t thinking about that at the time. I felt like she was being disrespectful and she was disowning me. So needless to say, she traveled from Montgomery to Birmingham so we could talk about everything and apologize for the miscommunication.
When we had our discussion, my mother asked me since I was gay, was I going to have a sex change like my cousin. At the time, most gays in Montgomery were femme, drag queens, or transsexuals. I expressed to her that I am still her son and I’m not becoming a tranny.
Before coming out to my mother, we already had a strained relationship. After I came out, we still have a strained relationship. Most mothers have learned to accept the son’s being gay and trying to rekindle their relationship or make their relationship stronger. Unfortunately, I didn’t get that happy ending. I know my mother loves me and vice versa, but I don’t think she will get over the fact that I like men.
I think it’s extremely important for young gay men to have relationship with their biological family. If they feel loved by their family, they will most likely not get caught up with the wrong people or get involved in negativity that’s in the gay community. I can honestly say that if I had the love and acceptance of my biological family, I wouldn’t have got involved with the negative environment that I was in when in my early 20s.